Where we've been

poetictear @ 2009-11-27T13:11:00

2009-11-27T20:11:29Z

I am sad and lonely. Aside from the pooches this house is all empty and quite and its rainy. There isnt anything on tv that is worth watching(when is there?). AHHHHH! I am a whiney baby and I have being a girl to thank for that. Stupid damnit.
Big giant whiney baby.

HILARIOUS!

2009-11-24T23:57:27Z

I realize that most of my friends no longer use livejournal, but I was just re-reading some old ass entries and they made me laugh heartily. Particularly some of the comments. Man we are totally awesome. I love us and how dorky we are. It truly is the only way to be.
On another note my mother has decided that listening to christmas music before Thanksgiving is okay. I disagree.

Okay

2009-07-11T23:09:47Z

There seems to be something about this time of day that makes me get headaches, oh well. On another note I am going to my brothers this evening to potentially imbibe and generally just have a good time. I need to relax and try to have real fun. I need a break from all the heavy seriousness that seems to be going on now. Well I suppose that I should try to find something to wear and maybe make myself look relatively presentable on the off chance other people are going to be there.
I shall wash the new tattoo curl the hair and apply a minimal amount of the make ups. Yup thats my boring life in a nut shell.

Seriously world?

2009-05-29T01:47:58Z

Again. My mom is in the E.R. and I am not dealing well with it. I hate everything am already a little drunk on wine and trying to cook an artichoke which will likely take forever and waiting on friends to rescue me from my psychosis.
Gastric Bypass is the bain of my existence and so is addiction yet here I sit drinking and being addicted to nicotine. GO figure. I am a hypocrite but I dont care anymore. I just want my mom back. I just want the person that I remember her being when I was 13. I want to take away her pain and what ever other problems she may have.
I have this bizzarr sense of obligation to fix all of the problems for all of the people I care about and I would rather take on their pain then let them continue to experience it. Maybe I was a grecian warrior in another lifetime who knows.
This is officially turning into a vent session.
Aside from family drama I have some personal issues that I would like to bitch about.
I hate that I am still single after almost 2 years. The problem is that I wont just jump into the sack with any willing man I suppose. Is that what our world has come to? You have to fuck first talk later? I can't do that!!!! Not to mention my body image issues. The thing is I am happy with the way I look most of the time, its everyone else that brings up the fact that I should be concerned. What is wrong with you? I am amzing looking. I have a real body with real life curves noting I bought from a plastic surgeon. Yeah I may have cellulite but if you have an ass you know that comes with the territory. Deal. And men, if you dont like that then go buy your self a blow up doll because it isnt my responsibilty to make sure your happy with my body. I am and really when it comes down to it that is all that matters.
'My standards may be weird and a little unrealistic but I think that the right man will love every fucked up weird part of me including my obsession with cats and books. If those things mean that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life then I would rather be a 21st century spinster than be with a self loathing materialistic douche bag that doesn't know what reality means.

poetictear @ 2009-05-23T20:35:00

2009-05-24T02:38:02Z

I am having some self image issues today. Reason? Dress shopping. Its just painfull. God why did my friend leave today? I didn't get to spend enough time with her.
Okay so I am having another one of my moments and I am not sure how long its going to take to get out of it . I need to watch more shitty tv. I just hate commercials.
Where is the beer when I need it?

Seriously. I thought I was beyond this.

2009-05-21T23:53:07Z

So. All kinds of irritating shit is going on and I am unfortunately having a little nervous break down because of it. I tried to keep it under control. I failed. But only for a few seconds. I am not really sure how to make things better this time, and I don't want to bother looking at the logical solution.
I am almost lost my car today, my parents are losing theirs. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? I need my car, but I think they need it more. Now I am wondering what to do about that one. I have a bike sort of, but it is currently being used by some one else not too mention the fact that I don't think I remember how to ride a bike. Oh well. I am going to try to make this situation more bareable but I am not going to drive myself crazy trying to fix the damn drama.
I am in hate with chaos.

Another thought

2009-05-18T17:32:38Z

So the last time that I posted anything in here was in 2007....I don't even know what it was about but of course I was bitching about something again. Go figure.
Anywho.

Grumpy Pants

2009-05-18T17:15:41Z

I am grumpy. I am watching a dog that has to come inside before I can go anywhere and I can't get her in. I have tried a dozen times and she just runs back into her kennel where I can't forcibly remove her, not to mention the fact that she is giagantic. I love her but I am tearing my hair out over this because I have shit that I need to do and I can't. I need to get some one over here so they can stay with her while I run my errands.
Also I am listening to Pandora radio and they are playing a ton of totally over played songs and nothing that I really wanted to listen to.
Yes I am being a whiney bitch right now. I cant help it.

poetictear @ 2007-10-17T21:24:00

2007-10-18T03:26:09Z

What do you do when you feel like one of your 'friends' is intentionally trying to screw you over? Do you wait it out and see what happens? That honestly seems like the only reasonable action or non-action at this point...
Yes chances are that I am being increadibly paranoid, but hey! thats me.

poetictear @ 2007-10-06T01:20:00

2007-10-06T07:22:33Z

I have nothing usefull to say anymore. No one that I really want to talk to. Everything is kind of blurry and painfull lately. I decided it has something to do with lack of creative juices flowing, and too much that cant be said. Not to mention a little cabin fever or whatever....
I need a new life again. This one doesnt fit me very well. I tried it for a few weeks, but it requires so much get up and go. I dont posses those qualities. I need some kind of down time and I am just not getting that here. Damnit! I miss who I used to be, that life was the one that fit the best so far. Where did it go?
I miss you.

Really just bored.

2007-09-29T21:48:02Z

I am a little bored and totally sleepy right now. I need to go home and do a lot of cleaning because my mom is coming home tomorrow. AHHHH! I just want to take a bath and a nap. Whatever. Not to mention my constant tummy ache. There is a lot of random shit going on in my life right now that I dont really know how to deal with at all. I guess time tells all, right?
Too much potential and too much second guessing. Okay I am going to go now and find something else to do.
PEACE YO!

FUCKING FREAKS!

2007-09-28T00:23:16Z

Why are so many people so completely fucked up? All these fucking pedophile freaks need to just go to hell. I am so tired of turning the news on and seeing another story about some poor kid who is going to be screwed up for life because some sick fuck did something so completely incomprehenisble.
WHY DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST!!!!????
I am tired of people killing one another, of all the pain and suffering happening in this world.
Hell has opened and all the shits that got sent there in the fist place have risen to torture those that tried to burn them. We need a superhero vigilanti. Some one who can redeem what little good is left in this world.

poetictear @ 2007-07-23T13:54:00

2007-07-23T19:58:41Z

I am extremely bored and broke to add to that mess. Damnit. I am waiting for my check from starbucks and also for a call from that place that I interviewed with on...Friday? Anyhow, I made myself look all pretty today because I dont want to sit around all day alone again. I am hoping that by getting ready that means that something is bound to happen. Yeah.
There really isnt anything for me to do as of right now, aside from mop the kitchen floor, which I am not looking forward to, but alas it has to be done.
I discovered the greatest radio station ever! They play oldies and goldies and classic rock, I spent the first half of my morning dancing around like a big spaz, it was fun. I am considering doing that again. I like to dance like a spaz.
So yeah. Nothing of any real interest to write about, again this is all entirely out of boredom.
Peace YO!
Ali

poetictear @ 2007-06-27T11:45:00

2007-06-27T17:49:22Z

I had a dream last night that I was stranded in Zurich. Go figure. I have never had any desire to go to Switzerland, but I dream about it. There were alot of random people there that I havent seen in a long time and other people that were made up dream people. At one point we were in a theatre area, after that we were in some random room with two beds trying to help two other girls that were also stranded. Later in the dream we were in a smallish weird town in the midst of a huge storm talking to a lot of sports people. Athletes thats the word I was looking for. It was a very strange dream.

Well there really isnt anything else to write about. No more weird bug run ins.

poetictear @ 2007-06-25T12:15:00

2007-06-25T18:17:56Z

Hey there.
Last night I was laying in bed reading and my lovely sweet little baby kitty brought me a present, that was still alive.
It just happened to be a big ass creepy red beetle, with super long antenae and it made these weird clicking/screaming noises. It was awful. She dropped it and it was running around on my bed room floor angrily! I was screaming like a little girl, I am honestly suprised I didnt wake up everyone in my house at the time.
Whatever.
I took it outside and apologized to it on behalf of my cat.
Stupid scary beetle.

poetictear @ 2007-06-11T14:05:00

2007-06-11T20:08:03Z

I finally got some balls and called my manager to tell her I cant work way the hell out there. I think she hates me, but she did say she was going to try and find me a store closer to home. I still plan on doing the job hunt bit...
Oh she told me there arent any promises with me finding a job closer, and that she would only keep me on the schedule for the next week. I wish that my brain worked these things out a little sooner then, oh you know after I agree to this shit.
Whatever.
I am going to go and work on my new resume...How should I put Starbucks on this bad boy? I really dont know.
Ali

poetictear @ 2007-06-08T23:20:00

2007-06-09T05:24:50Z

I should be asleep right now because I took a sleeping pill, but instead I am freaking out. About what you ask? Well going back to work after being gone for 2 months. I am miserable. I have to figure out a way to tell them I cant work at that store because its way too inconvienient for me and too expensive, by way of gas. If I plan on going back to school then I would have to drive from one end of town to the other daily. I cant do that!
Well I am trying to be a responisble adult, and in doing so I thought working out there would be the right thing to do, but now I see I was totally wrong. So the adult thing to do would be tell them the truth of the matter sooner rather than later. Right?
Some one back me up here. Damnit! Why do I have to make such stupid flipant choices?
I need to be consoled.
Now I am going to try to figure out how to get my ass to sleep.
Kisses
Ali

poetictear @ 2007-06-08T13:57:00

2007-06-08T20:01:23Z

I have a meeting thing today at BSU which I am only mildly nervous about...Thats at 3, then I have to work tomorrow morning. I really have no desire to do that at all. I really dont want to deal with that. I dont want to wake up and go to work at a place I havent been in, in 2 months. I dont know if I remember how to do everything, and I am totally paranoid about it. Now I am making myself have a panic attack. Crap. I cant do this...I need to stop freaking out, I need my husband....
I want to crawl into my hole and go to sleep. RAWR!
I am going to have to do something fun today just to keep my mind off of everything.

poetictear @ 2007-06-07T11:44:00

2007-06-07T17:49:48Z

I am awake and it is slightly earlier then my ususal wake up time. My sister and nieces are coming over soon, and I get to watch them. Sweet. I love my nieces but as of right now, I am still really sleepy and the idea of three screaming little girls is a bit scary.
Days are going by slowly but at the same time too fast. I am so affraid of going back to work on Saturday for an early morning shift at a store that I am not familiar with after almost 2 months of not working. AHHHHH! And tomorrow I am going to BSU to find out about enrolling in classes for Library Sciences. Okay I can do this I can be a grown up. I know how to do this.
No, I sure dont but there is no time like the present to learn right? I am on a Chris Thile kick right now and listening to him is making me feel alot better about stuff in general. Le sigh. I need to re-group.

Bye.

Its raining

2007-06-05T21:22:50Z

I am happy that its raining today. I like the rain when its warmish outside. Although the temperature has dropped considerably. Ah. I dont feel one hundred percent today which is fine since I dont actually have any plans. At least not real ones. I did want to go and get some books so I dont end up watching tv again. I really dont like the boob tube. I think that I am going to get my hair done at some point today.
My mom and my Aunt are currently hanging curtains in the living room and I am sitting here doing this because there isnt anything else for me to be doing. Hmm. Again this is just another pointless boring entry about nothing. It just feels good to sit here and type about nothing with no concerns about whos reading it. Alright I am going to end this now because I need to do something. But I shall return.

poetictear @ 2007-06-05T00:08:00

2007-06-05T06:13:42Z

I am waiting for my tea to be just that. Grace just completely freaked out at what I am hoping was just a little bitty cat fight or something like that. I am such a freaking chicken sometimes. I was just re-reading some old entries...wow, I am never going to stop being a nerd am I? Thats alright I suppose.
I am bored and not quite sleepy yet so here I am again writing about nothing. My Aunt and Grandma came over today, that was funny. I sometimes think that maybe just maybe my family is sane and then I remember that isnt even a remote possibility.
We are all completely nuts. I couldnt stop laughing earlier. I would tell you what happened but I dont know that I am at liberty to discuss said silliness with outsiders, being that it involves 3 women over 60. Seriously how did I end up the most sane one in the family? Something is terribly wrong with that picture. Oh well. Man I am going to be up peeing all night long. Nothing I can do about that now. I wish that there was something interesting to do this late at night, but nope there sure isnt at least not here and I dont have a book to read either.
Thats it I am done boring myself now.

poetictear @ 2007-06-04T10:15:00

2007-06-04T16:23:36Z

Its early for me, but I decided it would be good to wake up instead of sleep half the day away. Now I am bored and writing about the little bit thats happened today. I am listening to Chris Thile and it makes me very happy, or maybe a little melancholy....Hmm. I am drinking my Tetelys and wondering how I am going to fill up my day. Maybe go driving. I dont really care as long as I dont just sit around doing nothing. I called the college and set up a meeting with an advisor for Friday. I am hoping that goes well. Whatever.
I really truly and honestly have nothing to write about but I would like to continue typing because I like the fluidity of it and the sound that the keys make in contrast to the music I am listening to. I have this irritating numbish pain in my left leg...That could end up driving me totally insane today. I took some pills in hopes of making it go away but AHHH!
Last night I went with my Mom and JD to my moms friends husbands thingy....Thats a tongue twister....It was a little open mic night at Pair. Very nice. It was weird going to a bar with my mom though. I drank a little too much but not enough to call myself drunk. Tipsy.
I wish I had a definitive plan for the day...but I dont know what that could be. I want to go for a long ass walk and maybe work out at least a little....I am putting on weight like a pregnant woman. I should see what my friends are doing and maybe have a little get together. You can go wrong there. I also need to call Ashley because I need her help with a few things. Right. There really isnt anything else to write about and my ear itches so peace out YO!

I just cant stay away.

2007-06-03T09:12:55Z

Hello 3 AM. Again I might add. I like this time because the house is mine. I am alone in the quiet with my thoughts...Although tonight I wish that I could sleep instead of think. I am making myself a cup of tea for lack of Scotch.
So I am working on this adult thing that so many people keep talking about and I dont know if its going to work out for me too well. Its much harder then I was lead to believe! I suppose thats not really fair, since everyone on earth is constantly shouting about how life is hard or something like that. Then there is the optimistic addition of , if it was easy it wouldnt be worth it, or fun. I cant remember which.
I dont think its any fun though. Its mostly just frustrating me to a point that I cant get past long enough to fall asleep.
Not much of this makes sense and it is poorly writen but I am just passing time right now. I want my tea. I dont have a book to read since I just finished that third one in the triology. I guess I am going to the book store tomorrow to get a few more books to bide my time. That is about the only thing keeping me from shrieking like a banshee. Books.
I looked into Library sciences today, but didnt find any precise information on the BSU web site. Hmmm. I am going to try and set up a meeting with them sometime this next week since I dont have alot of time before work starts back up again.
Right. I am going to go. I assume that five minutes should make my tea taste like tea.
Loves and such.
Ali

What the hell?

2007-06-02T20:42:15Z

I am completely losing my mind right now! First off I keep trying to call my new work to set up a meeting with my manager but they arent answering the phones there, ever. This last phone call makes it some where around...10 I think. I cant work that far away because transportation is more then a huge issue. Damnit. I dont know what to do right now. I dont know how to start making things work right. Why is it that I am constantly going through these same problems? I wish I could just call Greg or something and talk to him. I feel comfortable with him and I dont think he is going to think I am a total idiot for my inability to function.
Then I check my E-mail today and I got some stupid letter from Wells Fargo about and insufficient funds transfer! What the hell are they talking about? I havent even touched my account since I got it out of the negative! I hate today as of right now, but I am going to do what I can to make it slightly better some how. I dont know how that is something I need to think about. I have got to stop making myself panic and start thinking about a plan of action to get my life back on track.
Honestly I wish that I could just go back to Scotland and wander around those hills right now, with out thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow. I prefer living day by day, but in this world that sure as hell doesnt work anymore. I dont know how to plan. For some reason that is a lesson that I missed. I want to crawl back into bed with my book and just hide, but I am not a wuss. I am a stubborn Scottish woman with at least a vague idea of a plan that I need to put in motion. Okay. And I have friends that support me. Maybe I should call one of them....Katie maybe. AHHHHH! Okay I am going to try calling again. Number 11.
Peace yo.

Shocking

2007-05-21T18:11:14Z

I cant believe that I remembered my password! Okay so I am only here because I felt like writing about something and that something is work.
I am supposed to be working right now, or at least thats what I thought. I was told after I returned from my trip that some one from the other store was going to call me with my new schedule. Two weeks later and I have yet to recieve that phone call. I could just continue to wait or I could always call my work back again and figure out what the hell is going on. Or another option is always to start looking for another job. But again summer time is the hardest time ever to find a job because all those kids return from college for the summer and take all the good jobs. AHHHH! I hate this alot. I need to figure out what I am going to do.
I wish that I could just start all over no questions asked super easy or whatever. No that doesnt make sense dont judge me. I am going to stop bitching about that now. And tell you how the weather doesnt make any sense its cold. Not freezing just cold enough to confuse my body. Sometimes I wonder about this place. I need to start planning my life a little more. By the way Josh smoked most of my cigarrettes. Damnit.
Peace yo.